Smelling pot

It is amazing how productivity can increase in a time like this. Nocturnal creature of the night you say but I am truly surprise at what could be done and achieve. And I am proud to say that, I managed to finally do the things which I was procrastinating the past few months. Finally got my ass to do it. Maybe because there is no disturbance at all… no noise, no sound, nothing. the beauty of nothingness. Just the sounds of me punching the keys on the keyboard and the whirling fan.

I couldn’t sleep even though I am physically worn out from a day of sporting activities. I guess, it was the mood that affected me earlier that caused me the inability to sleep.

That’s why, to make use of the time, I decided to update my resume. Something which needed much modifications since the last time I looked at it. Thank god, I managed to finished it, so now, it is always available and ready to use whenever I want to.

I can’t believe it’s already 3am and I should really be asleep since like 3 hours ago. Sigh. Why am I ‘abusing’ myself this way? both mentally and physically… is it all worth it?

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Sporty fun

I finally tried my hands, erm legs at rollerblading. It wasn’t as easy as I thought. It reminded me of the times when I first learnt to ride a bicycle. It was pretty. Felt like total klutz sometimes and losing my balance from here and there. Looked like a clown but I enjoyed the whole session alright and poor baby had to go through the whole session with me.. and she couldn’t enjoy her blading like what others were doing on their own… Worst of all, she slipped and grazed her elbow and knees while guiding me…

This blading thing is getting me hooked. Makes me wanna try again tomorrow to improve and get my technique right so that I can get it right. would love to blade with missy j at east coast again. I think that would be really fun!

My calfs are aching. Don’t know why…. must be the whole workout from the blading session. never thought it would be that tiring eh!

Had my final session of golf and the next one will be on the golf course itself. going to play 9-holes in 2 weeks time. Woohoo. That gonna be fun. but in the meanwhile, i have to practice practice practice to get my swing right.

Why?

I never saw it coming. Never expected it. I guess sometimes, it’s better not to have too much of expectation. Even if there is, that will be, ‘expecting the unexpected’.

I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I didn’t believe what i see on screen the words that was on it. I wondered if it was just a nightmare that I would wake up from. But it was not the case. It was very real indeed.

I looked at it a few times, very hard, scrutinising the text, looking for signs if they did sent the wrong results to me. It was addressed to me alright. I felt the pain coming out from within. I felt suffocated. I couldn’t breathe. It was a sensation which burnt and shot through the head.

When the reality set in, anger and frustration I felt. I questioned myself, why didn’t i make it? Why? What were the reasons? and how did it end up like that?

This is a blow to my confidence and demoralised at the moment. I know that this is a temporary setback and I know that I will bounce back again. Still, it caused a scar to remind me that sometimes, it’s better not to overestimate oneself and underestimate it.

The price to pay is certainly high – I will not be able to claim back the sum I paid for this paper and I have to pay it once more. I have to put in time and effort to study and prepare myself all over again. It frustrates me when I think about it. sigh.

I am not going to blame it on what happened during that week cause it was something that was beyond my control. However, it did affected me slight in terms of focus and concentration. Oh well, one of life’s many challenges.

This is a humbling experience alright. time for self-reflection and some quiet time to ponder about how to handle the whole situation.

Chicken Little Red Riding Hood

It is amazing how much emotions I experienced the past few days. I don’t know if it was because I was somewhat affected slightly by the moods of missy j. Not that it is upsetting me but looking back, it reminded me and us the feelings and mood we went through.

missy j was going through a rough patch. Not sure if the underlying cause was due to some biological system but yeah, it certainly sent her mood downswing. I wasn’t sure if I was doin things right but for sure, I was very concern and worried about her. After hearing those stuff from her, I thought some of the issues was magnified too much. It is true that those issues are very real and we face them from time to time but I guess we should not put all of them together and trying to resolve them. It will simply drained the mind and body…

I was there with her yet at the same time, it pained me to see her this way and I wished I could do something about it and then it kinda got into me as well, wondering why wasn’t I better off in certain areas which I believe would make her happier? I didn’t want to see her ’suffered’ like that. I didn’t have the right words to say to her coz even if I did, it sounded more like superficial words for the moment and nothing more.

It didn’t help that my finances was bleeding pretty much and I was cursing myself the past days (before I met missy j) why didn’t I have more control over it and what I could have done to prevent it. It was rather upsetting and of course, we couldn’t have 2 depressing people in that sort of circumstances. That would be disastrous… therefore it was better that I kept my issues to my own.
Thankfully, things somehow became better, after some thoughts and a lil bit of discussion. we finally had that lovely thick toast and sandwich from the Hong Kong cafe in Cineleisure. I guess it made us happier after that. We had more laughs and smiles.

Having went through all that… even though it was quite ’scary’ on my part coz I wasn’t sure what she wanted to do or I wasn’t sure she couldn’t take it anymore but in the end, I think it made us realised the importance of us and how we need each other, to support each other in every way no matter what obstacles we are facing. Moving ahead, I believe we can cope with it…

Ok, happy thoughts! Yesterday was her cousin’s birthday celebration at Meritus Negara in town. Quite an elaborate affair with friends and relatives. Had loads of meat, Brazilian style. Served straight from the skewers by the chefs themselves. It was fantastic. Enjoyed myself. I guess the only challenging feat for the night was to eat those little chicken hearts. A bit of fear factor there.

All in all it was quite a weekend. Had loads of wine, champagne, great food, great company, missy j who stayed over for the first time! Ought to remember that and note that down. heh.

Golf was disappointing though. All of a sudden, I couldn’t hit the balls properly and i think i strained my muscles again. Bah. Pissing me off. Can’t believe we are going on the greens soon. Have to bucker up!

I want my “Hard Gay” toy! I am so going to get it when I get my paycheck.

Vacation plan

Jetstar Asia, Koh Samui, Koh Phangan, Bangkok, massage, Bed Supperclub, Suanlom, Chatuchak, sleeper train, budget flights, cheap beer, shopping, food, pubs, nightlife, beaches, snorkelling, poolside, seafood, phad thai, tom yum.

pending more arrangements and confirmation.

I believe

Believe.in.us

Highlights

Some of the interesting things that happened over the weekend:

I didn’t realised I could chip pretty well in golf.

I played soccer again @ SP. The poly which I attended many many years ago.

I missed a golden opportunity to score. The whole ‘miss’ kept on replaying itself in my head. Could not believe I missed it. sigh.

missy j was there to watch game. Really appreciate her presence… coz I know that she is not really into that sport but she was willing to come down all the way to be with me.

We had a lovey dovey time the whole of Sunday, doing nothing but lazing around.

I saw Mitsubishi-i which caught my eye but I realised it was kinda expensive for its class.

Not looking forward to the next 2 weeks at work!!!

Midnight Oil

We made a promise to sleep before midnight tonight.

Love is all around

I am head over heels…. with missy j. I can’t get enough of her. It’s just so addictive.

Picture taken @ Loof. Missy j and her favourite cousin, ena. She’s one fun gal alright!