Believe in yourself

I need to take a breather from work. I can’t believe that it is only the 1st week and things are falling apart. I try not to be involved but you can’t help it when the negativiy sucks you in and influence your motivation to work. I totally hate this feeling. I really wish it would go away.

Thank god that I had the support of missy j, whom I know was not feeling in the best of mood herself, was very encouraging to me. I really don’t know how I can get through the next few months in this engagement. It is funny how things have changed in the team dynamics. Maybe because team members have changed and the way of doing things have changed too that brought about the uncertainty in all of us. The expectations and standards somehow put us in unfamiliar grounds.

I know that at the end of the day, it’s about how you decide to feel about yourself that make a difference. I am trying hard to stay positive in the midst of all the ‘conflicts’ arounding the engagement. It is not easy but I have to try and ensure things go well.

I was not particularly satisfied with my performance at tonight’s conference call and that made me realise that I have a lot more to learn and my inability in handling the situation better frustrates me.

Tomorrow will be a new and two more days to the weekend. I am so looking forward to the weekend, for that much needed breather to recompose myself.

Detox

Two pills of aspirin. Pounding headache. Pulsating heartbeat. One bed. Lots of liquid diet. Hibernate.

The detox process this morning after a night of slightly over-enthusiastic drinking.

You know what you are

I need a fugging printer in the house. Even though I don't use it all the times but the few times that you need it, u wish it was there. Gee. That sucks.

Anyway, I made the most critical and important, maybe somewhat crazy, insane decision in recent years, that is, to take up ACCA. Of course, people will think that I am mad to put myself in that sort of position – juggling work and part-time studies at the same time but I am thinking of the long run, the bigger picture. Secondly, I was never a big fan of accounting in school last time. In fact, I hated it!!! I remember telling my friends, "I will never do accounting!" But somehow having worked in this industry the past year, I realised I do have an interest in it and it makes me want to learn more. *Fug man, this sounds really morbid. I can't believe I just said that!* Haha. It is really ironic and funny how I ended up in an accounting firm and now, I am taking a course on accounting! Hence, as what missy j always say, "Never say never." It is interesting how lifes takes a twist on its own and how the path you walk leads you to where you are now. "Everything happens for a reason." A phrase everyone is familiar with and I think that is so true. If I were to be doing something else. Things around me might be different and who knows where I may end up with. Whatever it is. Right now, I am contented with the things around me, the people, the work and my life so far. A few setbacks and frictions from time to time but this is how life works. You learn, you carry on, you try to become a better person.

Ok, enough of philosophical theories… wahah. Back to ACCA. I see that, having an ACCA credential, it has benefits which I can 'value-add' myself and broaden my career opportunities. I know I am thinking a little ambitious here but hey, who does not want a better, secure and successful future eh. Who knows, being a partner could be one of my ambitious goals 10 yrs down the road! wahah. *Ok stop dreaming for now* Well, it is still a long way and anything is possible. Seriously, It is going to be one challenging affair the next 2 years. Time management and balancing, work, love, social life will be under a whole lot more scrutiny. But I am sure the rewards will be satisfying and the taste of success and accomplishment will be sweet. As the chinese saying goes, "Xian Ku Hou Tian" which loosely translates to hardship in the beginning will be rewarded with greater success in later time. I see myself in the beginning state now.

The decision to take up this course was not an easy one. It requires me to consider a lot of factors but at the end of the day, I asked myself, what do I want to achieve from all this? and I realised the answer was there along before my very eyes. I have to simply put aside the other inconsequential reasons which were preventing from seeing the real benefits of it all. Hesitants, doubts popped up a few times but I figured that it was because I was venturing into unchartered terroritory. And so, I braved up my courage and push ahead with signing up the course with no regrets. "A man gotta do what a man gotta do."

I think some colleagues will be surprised or even a little shock. Maybe some of them will question my decision but humans are like that, they offer their opinions or 2cents worth to you, either to encourage or discourage you. Sometimes, they see that you are being proactive and taking the initiative to learn while others could see you as a threat to them, for being such a competitive 'bastard' hahaha. Either way, it does not affect me. The choice is already made.

So much for that.. I think it's time I change up and get ready to kick start my weekend. Woohoo.

p.s. Wedding dinner again this evening. *My mom asked me why am I attending so many dinners this 2 months?* and I came to this conclusion that everyone around me has reached an age where it's time to settle down and enjoy the married life and ya know starting a family eventually. It's all in the age yah. Of course on the other hand, I know that there are people who are single in their 30s and still having fun. I am no position to judge/question their decision and life to each his own. Everyone has their own path to take and I am sure they have valid reasons to do so.

Anyway, this will be the last dinner for the 1st half of 2006. It did burn a hole in my pocket but then again, it is always a sweet and happy feeling to see two people getting together sharing their lives as one. It is all worth it.

48/14

It is not often you get to knock off at 430 but it's happening alrite coz it's a training week hence, not much reasons for me to stay back at work. So together with my colleagues, we decided to make the best out of it.

Went for a couple of drinks at Mad Flemmings, Boat Quay and chill out with the guys. Drinks were really cheap. Hoe was going for $6/pint between 5-7pm. So if you wanna get pissed, that's the place to go. That was what the waiter told us. Ha. It is really good to have this kind of gathering session where we have a drink and start to talk about all the shite that happened at work and off work. In a way, it kinda promotes 'bonding' between everyone. We were there for a couple of hours from, before sunset to after sunset. We had food, World Cup on plasmas and good old fashion company of guys.

After like 3 pints of Hoe, I got slightly light headed and sleepy. Partly because I didn't have much of dinner and I have been lacking sleep the past few days. I went down to Loof to meet missy j and her colleagues and it was nice meeting them for the first time. Nice pleasant friendly people. It was so packed with pretty people to be seen and be seen. They were giving out free food as well. Pity I missed out on my free drinks so I ordered a Watermelon martini. *It's a bloody suicide now I think back about it*. I was ok sitting down there happily sipping my drink but when I left.. i could feel my world started to take a life of its own. Badddd combo. Should have taken orange juice or something.

French Stall was lovely. Simple quiet, rustic place tucked away in one corner of Little India. Food was absolutely great and with a little bit of French wine, it was simply heaven. missy j looked gorgeous and sexy today with her black oriental inspired flower print tubes. Therefore it was only appropriate that we go somewhere nice for a good meal and enjoy ourselves.

We talked quite a bit about the future and other bits relating to us. It was a casual, heart-to-heart talk and it was interesting how it became from one topic to the other. Either way, I am very clear of what I have to do and I hope that everything will work out. *keeps my fingers crossed*

Maniac Monday

Thunderstorm. Dark clouds. raindrops. Grey. Wet.

It's going to be one gloomy day.

Painless

Pangya. Koh Samui. Golf. World Cup. Japan. Croatia. Nakata. Tiger Airways. Jetstar Asia. Missy j.

Start of a new week. It's strange how I am dreading it and I seldom have this sort of feeling.

It feels as though, there are certain things unfulfilled and my mind not feeling at ease.

Probably it is just one of those days where it is not going too well for you.

***

Her words touch me and seriously, right now, I am missing her so much more than ever. It was a weekend that I will never forget. The things we did and the fun we had.

Kiss. Me. You. Us.

Gonna plan for a trip sometime towards the end of the year. Probably Koh Samui and Bangkok. 2 in 1 destinations spread over 9 days. Gonna be one helluva adventure in the land of smiles. Of course, we have started some preliminary research on the cost and stuff, ya know those, feasibility analysis to see if it meets our budget. It is not going to be all luxurious. Definately gonna rough it out like a backpacker on a shoestring. In this way, I feel that we get to experience the local atmosphere of the country and people. Thinking of flight/train/ferry combo. Was looking at a couple websites which offer very useful details on how to go about travelling the budget way.

I realised that air tickets are kinda limited too. Darn. Not good news consider it's like a few more months before our departure date. Hopefully, there will be more sale coming up soon. *keeps my fingers crossed*

I am really excited about this trip coz Koh Samui has been a place long in my "to-go" list. Best of all, will be travelling with missy j. Certainly looking forward to it.

**************************************************

Today, we did something fun. We decided to participate in the "Snap That Kiss" contest. All we had to do was to snap a kiss that is similar to the one taken by famous french photographer, Robert Doisneau's famous kiss at City Hall. It was awkward initially but after a while, it didn't matter so much once we gotten in the mood of things. Simply wanna get the shot we wanted. Thanks to missy j's buddy who helped us be our photographer. so sweet right? We went to a few places around Chinatown to get that shot. We like a few more them and now it is the difficult part deciding which is the best of the lot so that we can send it in.

We really enjoyed ourselves and we discovered this place called, front row @ Ang Siang hill which was a really trendy, chic cafe that serves interesting tea and coffee. It also had a boutique upstairs, carrying the fashion label, Woods & Woods.

After the shoot, we went for our "Shut Up" Comedy at the Esplanade Recital Studio. These two japanese guys are really good! Their mime skills are excellent and I was laughing so hard that I teared. I really like the 'michael jackson' boxer. It really threw me off the seat. hahaha.

All in all, I had a fabulous day.

Zig Zag Zzz

I watched in horror as Peter Crouch missed a golden opportunity to score. The "stick-man" as I call him, was unbelievable. He was totally unmarked, yet he volleyed the ball wide off from the goal post and he was like within the 6 yards box. *shakes head*

The past week, I wasn't assigned to any engagement even though it was reflected as 20% involvement in UBS. However, as no 'green-light' was given, we couldn't proceed with our work. Hence, we could only establish contacts and arrange meetings. Tomorrow, we'll be heading down to Suntec for our first meeting. Not sure what to expect but will find out soon enough. It's odd that we are going back again after 4 months absence.

Other than that, I am pretty much involve with administration and coordination of our department's "Away Day 2006" in July. Destination – Batam. Not exactly everyone's favourite but unfortunately, alot of places could not accomodate our requirements. I realised that planning the logistics and event is no laughing joke. Even simple matter like gathering people's response and details can be rather time-consuming. I spent almost the whole afternoon, simply doing nothing but communicating with the travel agency, meeting with the planning committee and populating the details and responses of employees.

And on top of that, I still have outstanding review work to do. Talk about multi-tasking and time-management. Certainly puts me to the test. Glad that it's the weekend tomorrow and it's time for Golf at the driving range once more. *excited* It is a different feeling when you swing with a wood compared to an iron. Personally, I find that wood has a greater satisfaction when you hit the sweet spot. haha… almost an 'orgasmic' feeling.

I realised that for a few days this week, I wasn't in the best of mood and I know I was a pain. I am really thankful that missy j was being very patient with me. Feel a little bad for making her went through the whole ordeal with me. Thank you baby for tolerating those shite from me.

Beaming with positivity at the moment.

I really like the new adidas ad that is currently shown during half-time intervals… Impossible is nothing. Heh. Now, I wonder, what is that song they used for the ad.

update: Good O' Stick-Man, Crouch scored. 83rd minute. Still, I am not convinced they can win the World Cup. Prove me wrong, English.

Holy cow.. England just scored again… Gerrard with a bloody cracker in the 91st minute… absolutely unstoppable. Whoa. they must have heard me.

Rock Action

I am so fucking intoxicated with mogwai's Rock Action.

Thinking pot

I think I should just do whatever can within my means. No point thinking so much. I guess most of the time, it is self-manifesting thoughts that is causing uneccessary worries. Sometimes, you want to do your best in everything and sometimes, being the 'best' may not be the most ideal situation at all…There can be so many 'expectations' to meet. Therefore, to uncomplicate myself and in return, not affect the people around me, I should just adopt the 'do the best' of my ability. The thought of fear is there but I can only minimise it so much. Whatever happens, nature will find a way for it.